Flip-Flop!

Traditionally, during the seven days that follow the wedding of a newly married couple, celebratory meals are hosted by family and friends. These meals are called Sheva Brochos, because at the conclusion of the Birchas Hamazon – grace after meals, six special blessings directed to the groom and bride are recited over a cup of wine.

There are speeches during the meal which give the speakers an opportunity to share words of praise about the bride and groom and about the virtues of their families.

Thus, instead of the bride and groom immediately heading off alone on a honeymoon, the spirit of the wedding continues to be shared with close family and friends at these dinners during the seven days. There is great benefit in this.

Additionally, the spoken feelings that are shared during the Sheva Brochos about their family history and anecdotes which highlight special qualities and character of the bride and groom, help them acquaint themselves, so that they can bring out the best in each other.

Rabbi Mordechai Mann o.b.m. points out that self esteem plays a very significant role in our ability to reach and achieve our potential. It’s important that a person hear his virtues from others so that he realizes the talents and strengths he has.

An example:

The famous Rebbe Akiva, a shepherd for the wealthy Ben Kalba Savuah, was uneducated until he was forty years old. Rachel, the daughter of Ben Kalba Savuah, chose to marry Akiva and she evoked the ire of her wealthy father who disowned her.

Rachel sent her husband to study Torah and after 24 years of diligent Torah study he became the leader of the Jewish people and amassed tens of thousands of students.

Rebbe Akiva told his students, “Anything that I have become and that you have absorbed from my teaching is all attributed to her – my wife Rachel.”

Rebbe Akiva recognized that only because his wife believed in him and his potential and through her encouragement he became the famous Rebbe Akiva.

Self-worth plays a role in this week’s Parsha. The Torah speaks of the incident of the twelve spies who were sent by Moshe to scout the Land of Israel. Ten of the spies came back with an extremely negative report about the land and were able to instill fear into the nation about advancing to the land. G-d who had guaranteed a smooth entry into the land of Israel took offense to this and punished the nation by not allowing them into the land for another 39 years.

One of the shortcomings of the spies was that they did not listen to Moshe’s instructions. Moshe told them first to travel through the south of Israel which is not as attractive as the north and then head to the north so that the most beautiful and more attractive part of Israel would be their last impression and they would be able to give a positive and electrifying report of the land.

The Torah relates that the spies did the opposite. They first toured the north and ended in the south, where the fortified cities were situated and the mighty giants dwelled.

They reported about their last impression, and instilled fear in the nation.

At first the Torah describes the spies as outstanding people, yet they failed and came back as wicked people. What caused such a reversal?

As mentioned, there were mighty giants that inhabited the land. The verse states that the spies reported, “We viewed ourselves as grasshoppers, and they viewed us as such as well.”

Rashi explains that the spies overheard the giants say, “Hey look at those little grasshoppers; they have the appearance of human beings!”

Other commentators explain that the Torah is relating a deeper meaning, how the spies viewed themselves. “How did the spies know that the giants looked at them as lowly grasshoppers? It was because they viewed themselves as lowly grasshoppers.”

Yes, the spies began their mission with Moshe’s positive charge, encouragement and confidence in them. However, once the spies disregarded their mission statement, that special energy eroded and they were left to work on their own. They became vulnerable to how they felt about themselves and their mission. They no longer felt like great men, rather they saw themselves as lowly grasshoppers. The loss of their esteem made everything seem impossible, and their negativity, fear and desperation spread throughout the nation.

Malbim explains that Calev, one of the two good spies, actually got caught up in the spies’ negativity as the Torah states, “He had a different spirit to him.” However, when he arrived in the City of Chevron, he prayed to G-d for guidance at the cave of our forefathers, Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaacov. This gave him the ability to take hold of himself and see things clearly and report positively.

Because he chose to recite these prayers, G-d rewarded Calev with the area of Chevron as his inheritance in the Land!

Prayers produce wondrous results!